have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
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The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
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a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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