I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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