I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize