He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
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