I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Come see our sink grown plant.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize