Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
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