I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
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I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
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These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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