She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
I woke up under a house in Key West
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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