so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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