He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
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