I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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