Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
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She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
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We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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