is your mom at the bar?
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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