i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
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