tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
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I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
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I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
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