So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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