So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
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Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
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I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
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