The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
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I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
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