the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize