He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
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Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
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woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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