All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
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