he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
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