Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
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I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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