one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
splinters make it hard to masturbate
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
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