My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
NoShamevember. You game?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize