So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
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