five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
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