So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
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I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
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So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Randomize