So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
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Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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