It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
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