if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
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we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
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he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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