If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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