imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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