i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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