i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize