I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Randomize