How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
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