the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
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Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
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Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
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