just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
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