Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
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