my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
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he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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