He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
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I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
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The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
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