I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Just pee around me
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
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