It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
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You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
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Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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