Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
i will never coherently bang her
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
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he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
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Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
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