and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
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I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
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