Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Randomize