Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
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