my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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