my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize